Sometimes you may feel like the person you are with is the love of your life and that the relationship you are in with them is perfect. However, taking that for granted is one of the best ways to ruin it all.
And, for that connection to last, you have to learn what relationship styles can potentially ruin your relationship and work to avoid them. Here is a guide on a few of the most common patterns that fall in this category:
- Being overly dependent – a relationship that is left on its own cannot flourish. You need to put the other person as a priority in your life. And yet, the relationship should not be the only thing in your life or your whole life. For example, if you are only willing to make plans that involve your partner or guarantee that your partner is happy with them, you are giving away too much weight to the relationship. And that is just dependent behaviour. One more such example is not being able to let the other person do things on their own, and having no respect for their alone-time.
- Being overly independent – the other extreme in relationships is equally bad. Not being able to make any compromise for your relationship means you are restricting the freedom of your partner and generally causing the relationship to go bad. Remember that compromise is key for a happy relationship. And yes, there are certain things that you may not be able to compromise on, but for the most part, you can agree to not have it your way. The difference in food tastes means you should claim defeat now and then, making a decision that suits your partner more than yourself. And while you can still have a say on many decisions, you need to be ready to compromise.
- Inability to communicate the problems – people are different and there are things about the other person you will find bothersome. This becomes especially clear after the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over. Being able to communicate the things you find problematic is an essential skill. It means you won’t just let the small annoyances build up until they explode. Conveying the negatives you find in your relationship takes time to build, but you cannot go without it. Without communication, you will not be able to work on fixing the problems, allowing you to build a stronger relationship.
- Making no sacrifices – being in a long-term relationship will inevitably lead to a moment where you need to make a sacrifice. There is just no way to live a single life and be part of a committed relationship at the same time. By making reasonable agreements with each other, you can establish a good middle ground, which keeps both of you happy. There is no way for a relationship to thrive if you are unable to sacrifice some of your comforts for the sake of the other person.
- Encouraging (implicitly or explicitly) inequality – if you carry on with some of the old-fashioned inequality patterns in your relationship, you are setting yourself for failure. If both partners of a relationship have full-time jobs, they should be contributing equally to the household. Besides, they should be equal in various household tasks, like cleaning, cooking and looking after children. Only then can the foundations of the relationship remain strong and healthy.
There is little doubt that all of these relationship patterns are bad and that you should do everything in your power to change them. Identifying them is always the first step to better change.
© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach