There is always a bit of a risk when it comes to first dates. Maybe the person is not at all what they appeared to be when you texted, or they can outright ghost you. But you need to take a chance, to advance to a more meaningful relationship.
However, you should never ignore certain red flags that the other person might be sending. It is one thing to be hopeful and give them the benefit of the doubt. But closing your eyes to the outright bad things about them is not ideal. Here is what you should be mindful of:
- They are late and don’t tell you – one of the red flags is that you should be mindful of them being late to show up and they have not informed you. Normally, it is okay to be late, but if they don’t tell you about it, then they are not valuing your time. Now, that is hardly a reason to write them off completely. Maybe their phone died, or they have lost signal. But if they just don’t care, you should be careful.
- They have a control problem – always be on the lookout for signs of a big ego and a controlling nature. Controlling tendencies could show up as early as the first date, when they jokingly order something from the menu for you, without even asking about your opinion. This could be a way of testing your boundaries.
- They don’t stay present – if they are always on their phone, or they are always on the lookout to see who else is there, they aren’t present. If they don’t explain why they are on the phone or have their attention divided, you should consider it a red flag. They should devote attention to you and your persona, instead of anything else that can wait and is not urgent.
- They are rude to waiters and staff – if your first impression of them is that they are rude to the staff of the restaurant you are in, think about what life with them would be like. If they are not respectful to the person doing their job, they may not be respectful of you as well. Remember that people always put their best foot forward, so if rudeness shows then, it is a huge red flag.
- They are overly romantic – a little bit of romance can be a very nice addition to a first date. It can make you feel special. However, if they go overboard with it, then it is not a good sign. Showering you with affection, compliments and gifts could be nothing more than love-bombing, which aims to make you feel secure so that they can later start taking advantage of you.
- They are way too eager to move the date fast – some people can try to overwhelm you on the first date. That is when you need to pay the most attention. Listen to your gut feeling on whether things are advancing normally or way too fast.
- They talk about their ex a lot – it is okay to mention an ex-partner, but there is a limit to how much you can discuss the matter. If the person is obsessively bringing their ex, it could be an indication that they are not over them or that they have not overcome the past bitterness. It is especially worrying if they always blamed their ex.
Paying more attention to such red flags is not only important but mandatory if you don’t want to have problems down the road.
© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach