Breakups are never easy. If you have found yourself in this sort of situation, you know it can be tough to process and think about all of the overwhelming emotions you are experiencing. One thing that is very tough to figure out is when to start dating again. Some say you should get back to it immediately, to keep your mind off the negative emotions associated with the breakup. Others say it takes time before you are ready again.
The truth is there is no universal answer. The most important thing is how you feel about it and how well you are taking the breakup. If it has been a long relationship, you will need more time to heal your wounds and focus more on yourself. But there are some signs to look out for, which indicate you might be ready to date again. Here are a few of them:
- You know you have learned a lot about yourself – there is no timeline to healing from a breakup and moving on. The most important thing is to know you have worked through the situation and have put your feelings in check. That is when you will know you have grown from this experience and learned your lessons. This is what will help you move on into a new relationship.
- You are ready to be a better partner – if you cannot leave the past behind, you cannot be a good partner. And that is something you just know. There are things like forgiving yourself for not choosing a good enough match and forgiving the other person for the disappointment that will make you a better partner. Letting go of all the doubts, resentment and anger is what will make you better suited for someone else.
- You are happy with yourself being alone – often times people spread the stereotype that being in a relationship is good, and being alone is bad. But that is false. You can be perfectly happy with yourself, and having time to breathe, which is especially good after a tough breakup. When you are fine with doing new hobbies, seeing friends, working on your career and finding fulfilment outside of being with a partner, that is when you know you are ready to have a new relationship. At this point, it should feel like a bonus, not a must.
- You are beyond wanting your ex back – missing your ex after the breakup is normal. There is even going to be a period during which you will happily get back together. If you think that you two doing just that is a good idea, then you are not ready to start dating. When you get to a stage where old memories aren’t leading to ideas of connecting with them again, you will know you can start dating.
- You are ready to start building a new future – if you are ready to start making plans about the future, then that is another sign of you being ready to date again. This is the case when you have made plans with your old partner; plans that are obviously now not going to happen. At first, it may seem like the future is not clear, but once you no longer see things that way, you will be ready to date again. Struggling to accept the way things have changed is normal, but you will get over it, eventually.
There is no doubt that when these signs are present, you will be able to better tell it is time to start dating again.
© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach