datingcoachlondon

Confidence often comes from self-love. Unfortunately, that is one major problem many people experience – they don’t love themselves. They don’t feel happy about themselves and focus too much on their flaws. Dislike follows and if that is not bad enough, it soon enough translates to dislike from other people as well. 

Loving yourself is very important, especially if you are aiming at establishing a relationship with someone else. It will pave the way to self-confidence and change your outlook on the world to a more positive one. To love yourself more, you need to apply a few tips: 

• Learn to have fun by yourself – it is a good idea to set aside a few days just for yourself to do something fun. This is so that you can enjoy your own company more. Find new things to try, engage in hobbies that don’t require a lot of other people around and generally, do what makes you happy and smile. 

• Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made – we all make mistakes, but it is important to remember that you have to forgive yourself about them. Otherwise, you will not be able to move on. Look back in reflection and acknowledge the error. Try to think of the mistakes as a way to grow and improve your self-love, not something that bashes yourself over.

• Travel at least once a year – if you can travel on your own, do so at least once a year. Travelling to beautiful new places can be an exciting new experience, which puts you on the path of self-love. Other than discovering new things, you will also discover yourself and your self-love. 

• Make yourself a surprise – every once in a while, you should do things that you would not normally attempt. In doing so, you will better learn yourself. You may even discover that you like something even though you were previously afraid of it. Getting out of your comfort zone in such a way will make you feel ready for new challenges and give your self-esteem a huge boost. 

• Take a break – you are your own worst judge, jury and executioner. Sometimes being hard on yourself is nice, to push to new boundaries, but sometimes it works to decrease your self-love. However, it is important to remember that nobody out there is perfect and you should not expect yourself to be so. When something happens, accept and don’t be too harsh on yourself. 

• List your accomplishments – one good way to give yourself a little lift is to list some of the good things that you have achieved in life. It will make you feel happy about what you have achieved and draw some confidence from that. Focusing on these positive things can remind you that there are better things in life. 

• Begin a journal – to develop better coping mechanisms, you can start a journal. Writing down your feelings and thoughts that you address later will show you exactly how you have reacted and what you can do better. In addition, that is a nice way to vent about the negative things that have happened to you. 

• Say yes to new interests – trying out something new that you have had in mind for a while is a great thing. You will never know just how much you will enjoy something until you try it. Always look for a new hobby or visit somewhere you have never gone before. 

All of these tips aim to make yourself more. Each is an effective way that will boost self-confidence and make you a better person. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Dating is not an exact science, and everyone can fall victim to confusion, miscommunication and disappointment. The everyday mistakes we all experience don’t affect us much, but some crucial side steps can really hurt our love life. 

A lot of couches agree that there are a few mistakes that women make in dating, which seem to stand out and lead to trouble: 

Mistake #1 - Thinking that love comes easy - when you are on the lookout for a new job, you will probably spend a lot of time browsing through various job offers and companies that are looking to hire. So why is it then that many believe they can find love without really doing much? Thinking that you can have great success in love without really putting in the effort is just not true. Perhaps you have a friend who met their perfect match when they were not even trying. But that is an exception and not the rule. Stumbling into ‘The One’ is likely not going to happen, if you don’t put the effort in dating and meeting men. 

Mistake #2 - Assuming a man’s exclusive without them hinting at it - this kind of mistake is one that can hurt you a lot. Assuming the man you have just met is exclusive usually happens because things are going great. However, most men will usually require some time to sell themselves on the idea of a relationship. They merge into exclusivity and don’t just swerve at it. You don’t need to think of this as a negative thing, but rather an opportunity. You can take your time to figure out if he’s the boyfriend material you initially thought. 

Mistake #3 - Knowing he is the ' one’ in the first month of dating - while it is true a lot of people believe in love at first sight, the fact of the matter is that it takes some time to know someone and to know if they are right for you. Don’t trust ‘that feeling’ - it is nothing but a mix of hormones telling you that you feel good with him by your side. But all of that is craving without any guarantee for compatibility. Remember, before you trust the advice that ‘you will just know it is him’, there are 10 stories of women who didn’t test their compatibility and got burned. Allow the feeling of attraction to lead you to someone, but exercise caution in finding out if he is the right person for you. 

Mistake #4 - Expecting only men to initiate interactions - a lot of women fall for the mistake of doing nothing to approach men and only expecting men to take the first step. But all this mindset leads to is essentially taking away the control all women have. It’s not only men who need to initiate interactions. They too fear rejection and have their demons to fight. Instead of waiting on them alone, you can give men green lights, i.e. make them feel like their chances with you are good so that they can overcome the fear of rejection. 

Mistake #5- Blaming ‘modern dating’ for still being single - blaming your current situation on the circumstances is a quick way to disempower yourself, especially when it comes to dating. If anything, dating is much more accessible than ever before. Yes, there are more ways to cheat, more ways to fall into a miscommunication trap and more ways to jump ship, than invest in solving the issues. But you have the power to adapt and use the modern dating set to your advantage.

Identifying all of these mistakes is essential for ensuring that you make the most of dating and end up with a person you love. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Every single relationship out there experiences certain issues during its course. Arguments arise, intimacy suffers, stress levels increase, and before you know it, you are looking at the prospect of ending a relationship that may have lasted for a long time. In this guide, we will take a look at some of the most common relationship issues and what you can do to work them out. 

1. Communication

People out there handle communication differently. Some like to talk about things, whereas others keep the word count low and instead like to act. Of course, communication problems are much more diverse than differences in communication style. Some couples develop issues over time, despite the fact they used to communicate well. It is important to focus not so much on the problem itself, but the cause of this miscommunication. Sometimes we cannot listen, to truly listen to what others are saying, and not just so that we can respond to their argument with one of our own. You can try the so-called talk time exercise. You and your partner get a few minutes each to say what is on your mind without any interruptions. It is important always to talk through your perspective and use ‘I’ statements, instead of addressing your partner mostly. 

2. Infidelity

Some believe that infidelity is the apocalypse of all relationships, and it is easy to see why that is so. Affairs hardly ever happen out of the blue, as there is an underlying problem that caused them. Maybe you weren’t happy in your relationship before, your intimacy was lost, or something else triggered the act. While it is true that it is difficult to recover from the wounds and work on the issues, sometimes it is possible to do so. A third party counsellor may be helpful in that regard. 

3. Feeling unappreciated

If you feel like your partner is not giving you enough time and appreciation in the relationship, don’t be afraid to discuss it. There is a difficult balance one must strive to achieve at times, between their job, children and their spouse. Talk about it and work out a solution that fits both of you. Sometimes it is a problem of communication – your partner notices what you do, but they don’t say it. 

4. Money issues

Financial pressures can easily bring turmoil in a relationship. Honesty and open communication are key to solving this issue. It is never a good idea to keep a secret about debt from your partner. Being honest about your expenses and working a way to minimise them at times of crisis is essential. If one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, tension will rise in the relationship, if you don’t work a satisfying middle ground. 

5. Sex problems

If your sex life doesn’t align, you need to be very careful in the communication you choose. It is essential to communicate openly, with compassion and understanding. Judging the other for what you think is a problem is going to add more fuel to the fire. Sometimes sexual issues stem from other issues between you. It is worth investigating whether that is the case and what these other issues are. By targeting the root cause of the problems, you will find the symptom of the sexual issues slowly disappear. 

All of these are common problems that arise in a relationship. It takes dedication and understanding to resolve them successfully. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach