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6 Helpful Tips for People Dating in their 50s

 

 

If you are among the people who believe that it is never too late to date another person again, then you are in luck. The reality of things is that even people in their 50s can find pleasure in seeing other people again. There is much less drama going on in their lives, and they have their priorities straight. There is no need to feel any intimidation or stress when it comes to dating at a later age because it is fully possible to do it in a way that nets you that special someone. Here are a few useful tips in that regard: 

  • Try a dating site – you may feel reluctant to give online dating a go, but it is one of the most easily accessible ways to meet new people. It is especially helpful for people in their 50s since it links mature men and women together without them investing all that much effort. You can easily get a tailored service at one of the websites that offer such. You can discreetly browse the profiles of other people looking to date in their 50s and connect to them with the click of a button. 

  • Adopt a hobby – taking up a new activity in your 50s may not be your goal, but you should do it. Not only can learning new skills boost your wellbeing, but also save you from some mental illnesses later in life. It is also great from a dating perspective because it gives you yet another chance to connect to people in a fun and relaxed environment. Some of the common hobbies that people in their 50s are particularly likely to enjoy include cooking classes, choirs, book groups or learning a new language/instrument. Picking up a new activity with a social aspect is a sure win! 

  • Open up to friends and family – people in their 50s often feel more self-conscious when it comes to dating. In that situation, it is important to have the good support of friends and family members, who can encourage the pursuit of a new romantic relationship. For people who have children, it is important, to be honest about the big things happening in one’s life. 

  • Physical exercise – one more tip for the over-50s dating is to physical exercise. There are many activities that people at that age can do, such as swimming, yoga, walking. Exercising is well-known to boost confidence, as well as energy and wellbeing. It can help with any insecurities that an individual in their 50s may have. It is also good for boosting sexual performance. Activity clubs and exercise classes are also a great way to meet new people and one more opportunity to meet a like-minded person. 

  • Going on a solo holiday – being in your 50s comes with certain benefits, such as having freedom and financial independence. You can always try having an adventure and going for a solo holiday. You can plan what you want to see, move at your own pace and make connections with people you wouldn’t otherwise when travelling with others. A lot of travel operators even offer trips for people in their 50s, which guarantee you will travel with people your age. 

  • Learn to say ‘yes’ – being more adventurous is what dating in one’s 50s is all about. Breaking out of the daily routines established by that age can be very difficult to do. However, embarking on a new relationship demands changes. Going with the flow and saying ‘yes’ ensures new opportunities that would otherwise be more difficult to achieve. 

Dating in your 50s is not all that impossible, as long as you adopt these clever tips and set your mind to it. 


© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Everything you Should know about a Relationship Coach

 

 

 

Relationship coaches help individuals as well as couples acquire and hone the skills for building and maintaining successful romantic relationships. The major focus is finding out current flaws within one’s character, as well as building conflict resolution skills that could lead to better intimacy and care. In the following guide, you can find out more about the work of a relationship coach, how they can help and the benefits of working with one. 

The purpose of working with a relationship coach

To many people, a good relationship is the foundation of their happiness. But it is not always to find that special someone and make a relationship work for you and them both. Building and maintaining a committed relationship is no easy thing, especially if you have had trouble in the past. You need proper relating skills, to identify what is holding you back and work on self-improvement, to have a better chance. That is what a relationship coach can help with. They can address all of these issues and help every individual have a thriving relationship in their life. 

How do they accomplish this? 

The main focus of a relationship coach is to help individuals and couples learn the tools that help a relationship thrive. A coach can help people navigate their differences and conflicts, aid their communication and conflict resolution skills, all to the goal of becoming more successful partners. Coaches can uncover what makes partners happy and unhappy and focus on how to make the positives stand out more. 

Difference between a relationship coach and a couple’s therapist 

Even though a marriage coach and a relationship coach have somewhat similar approaches, couple’s therapy is different from what you will experience with a relationship coach. During the former, you will mostly talk through issues, with little practical tools. On the other hand, relationship coaches can provide certain practices that will help a person overcome their most challenging dynamics in a relationship. 

What about the difference between a relationship coach and a dating coach? 

Work with a dating coach is more focused on honing the skills needed to successfully land a date and the early stages of meeting someone. In contrast, a relationship coach is more geared towards boosting interpersonal skills and confidence. They can help in improving communication and intimacy with an existing partner. The skills they teach, such as vulnerability, empathy and attentive listening are used to hone one’s character and become a better individual. 

How do you work with a relationship coach? 

A relationship coach will most commonly first explore your greatest challenges. That way they will determine what you should work on. When the expert knows more about you, your ways of communication and how you interact with your partner, they can then begin teaching you the skills to overcome the present issues. They will know when you are passing the blame and not taking responsibility for your own mistakes, and they will teach you how to become more kind towards your partner, to soften the existing conflicts. 

The benefits of working with a relationship coach

A relationship coach is the best source of information in the field of relationships whose knowledge and expertise you can tap into. If you have no idea what is wrong between you and your partner, but you know things aren’t as they used to be, a relationship coach can help you find out. The main benefit is that they will give you objective feedback and help you learn the skills to become a better person, not just for the sake of your relationship, but as a whole. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

 

5 Signs you are Ready to Start Dating After a Breakup

 

Breakups are never easy. If you have found yourself in this sort of situation, you know it can be tough to process and think about all of the overwhelming emotions you are experiencing. One thing that is very tough to figure out is when to start dating again. Some say you should get back to it immediately, to keep your mind off the negative emotions associated with the breakup. Others say it takes time before you are ready again. 

The truth is there is no universal answer. The most important thing is how you feel about it and how well you are taking the breakup. If it has been a long relationship, you will need more time to heal your wounds and focus more on yourself. But there are some signs to look out for, which indicate you might be ready to date again. Here are a few of them: 

  • You know you have learned a lot about yourself – there is no timeline to healing from a breakup and moving on. The most important thing is to know you have worked through the situation and have put your feelings in check. That is when you will know you have grown from this experience and learned your lessons. This is what will help you move on into a new relationship. 

  • You are ready to be a better partner – if you cannot leave the past behind, you cannot be a good partner. And that is something you just know. There are things like forgiving yourself for not choosing a good enough match and forgiving the other person for the disappointment that will make you a better partner. Letting go of all the doubts, resentment and anger is what will make you better suited for someone else. 

  • You are happy with yourself being alone – often times people spread the stereotype that being in a relationship is good, and being alone is bad. But that is false. You can be perfectly happy with yourself, and having time to breathe, which is especially good after a tough breakup. When you are fine with doing new hobbies, seeing friends, working on your career and finding fulfilment outside of being with a partner, that is when you know you are ready to have a new relationship. At this point, it should feel like a bonus, not a must. 

  • You are beyond wanting your ex back – missing your ex after the breakup is normal. There is even going to be a period during which you will happily get back together. If you think that you two doing just that is a good idea, then you are not ready to start dating. When you get to a stage where old memories aren’t leading to ideas of connecting with them again, you will know you can start dating. 

  • You are ready to start building a new future – if you are ready to start making plans about the future, then that is another sign of you being ready to date again. This is the case when you have made plans with your old partner; plans that are obviously now not going to happen. At first, it may seem like the future is not clear, but once you no longer see things that way, you will be ready to date again. Struggling to accept the way things have changed is normal, but you will get over it, eventually. 

There is no doubt that when these signs are present, you will be able to better tell it is time to start dating again. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach



How to Choose the Right Relationship Coach for Yourself?

 

If you have decided that you want to work with a relationship coach, then you need to consider finding the right person for the job. This may not prove to be as straightforward as you hope, considering that it has to be someone qualified that you click with well. 

How do you go about the task of finding the right relationship coach? Well, some tips can greatly help you. Let’s find out more about them: 

  • Start by deciding whether your ideal coach is a male or female – normally, people consider a coach that they are more likely to open up to. And that is a personal choice, but one you need to make from the outset. Do you feel more comfortable talking about dating life with a female coach, or perhaps a male one? If you have a problem relating to a particular gender, then it is safe to go with a coach of that same gender. But you can also consider the valuable perspective you get from someone of the opposite gender. You decide to make it. 

  • Find a person who specialises in the area you need – relationship coaching is a very broad term that covers most of what our relationship with others is all about. But there are many aspects to it, which you may be struggling with. For example, you may be having problems expressing yourself in a relationship, or the way you show up. You may be repeating some self-defeating patterns, which crush your self-esteem. The most important thing is to identify the area that you think is lacking for you and work on that with the relationship coach. Only through targeted efforts can you hope to overcome your problems. 

  • Online vs in-person sessions – 2020 has redefined what is possible in terms of coaching. More and more coaches have turned to online work with their clients since meeting in-person has become problematic. That should not be an issue, considering the advancement of technology. But if you prefer one method of work over the other, make sure you discuss matters with the coach and figure out the best way to conduct meetings for you. 

  • The person needs to have proper experience and training – the coach needs to have the tools and full understanding of them, to help you with your issue. They need to be able to properly teach them to you so that you don’t feel stuck and confused. Some coaches have the testimonials to show that they have the experience, others have a degree in psychology and/or sociology and know the science of human behaviour. 

  • The coach must be sensitive to your values – your views on relationships intersect with your core beliefs and values. If you have a healthy value system, which serves as a compass in your life, you want to work with a coach who is sensitive to those values. They need to integrate with them if they are to truly help you find your way to a happier relationship. 

  • Consider an approximate budget – think about your work with a relationship coach as an investment. Once you know how much you can afford, you will be more willing to view it this way, rather than just an expense. It is hard to put the right price tag on finding joy with someone you love. That is why it is important to work with a coach, who doesn’t cause you to stress over money. 

These are all important tips that you should consider when searching for a relationship coach. 


© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

5 Unhealthy Patterns in Relationships to Avoid

 

 

Sometimes you may feel like the person you are with is the love of your life and that the relationship you are in with them is perfect. However, taking that for granted is one of the best ways to ruin it all. 

And, for that connection to last, you have to learn what relationship styles can potentially ruin your relationship and work to avoid them. Here is a guide on a few of the most common patterns that fall in this category: 

  • Being overly dependent – a relationship that is left on its own cannot flourish. You need to put the other person as a priority in your life. And yet, the relationship should not be the only thing in your life or your whole life. For example, if you are only willing to make plans that involve your partner or guarantee that your partner is happy with them, you are giving away too much weight to the relationship. And that is just dependent behaviour. One more such example is not being able to let the other person do things on their own, and having no respect for their alone-time. 

  • Being overly independent – the other extreme in relationships is equally bad. Not being able to make any compromise for your relationship means you are restricting the freedom of your partner and generally causing the relationship to go bad. Remember that compromise is key for a happy relationship. And yes, there are certain things that you may not be able to compromise on, but for the most part, you can agree to not have it your way. The difference in food tastes means you should claim defeat now and then, making a decision that suits your partner more than yourself. And while you can still have a say on many decisions, you need to be ready to compromise. 
  • Inability to communicate the problems – people are different and there are things about the other person you will find bothersome. This becomes especially clear after the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over. Being able to communicate the things you find problematic is an essential skill. It means you won’t just let the small annoyances build up until they explode. Conveying the negatives you find in your relationship takes time to build, but you cannot go without it. Without communication, you will not be able to work on fixing the problems, allowing you to build a stronger relationship. 

  • Making no sacrifices – being in a long-term relationship will inevitably lead to a moment where you need to make a sacrifice. There is just no way to live a single life and be part of a committed relationship at the same time. By making reasonable agreements with each other, you can establish a good middle ground, which keeps both of you happy. There is no way for a relationship to thrive if you are unable to sacrifice some of your comforts for the sake of the other person. 

  • Encouraging (implicitly or explicitly) inequality – if you carry on with some of the old-fashioned inequality patterns in your relationship, you are setting yourself for failure. If both partners of a relationship have full-time jobs, they should be contributing equally to the household. Besides, they should be equal in various household tasks, like cleaning, cooking and looking after children. Only then can the foundations of the relationship remain strong and healthy. 

There is little doubt that all of these relationship patterns are bad and that you should do everything in your power to change them. Identifying them is always the first step to better change. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Is Attachment Insecurity Ruining your Relationships and Love Life?

 

 

You may not realise it yet, but your love life and relationships could use some knowledge from attachment theory. According to it, our feelings of security and stable attachment are largely affected by our early years of childhood. Namely, a child’s sense of security and intimacy with their primary caregiver shapes to no small extent how they behave in relationships as adults. 

 

Nowadays, attachment theory finds it great to use with many relationship coaches, who use it to pinpoint certain problems that people are experiencing in their love life. Since psychologists have refined the idea that childhood attachments are important in adult attachment styles in later life, it is only logical to utilise the concepts and empower people to have better romantic relationships. 

 

It all starts with understanding the basic terminology of what attachment styles there are: 

  • Secure – people with secure attachment don’t have a problem being close to someone and maintaining an intimate relationship 

 

  • Anxious-preoccupied – people with this style believe that other people do not want to be with them and are constantly afraid of losing their partner 

 

  • Dismissive-avoidant – people with this style do not like to depend on others for establishing an intimate relationship 

 

  • Fearful-avoidant – people with this style really want to be close to others, but they fear rejection and being hurt 

 

It is clear that all of these, save for the secure type, are characteristics of attachment insecurity. It is important to note that these are not extremes, but rather spectrums, and every single person rates on all of them. It is when these characteristics are strong enough to define their behaviour and belief about relationships that they become a problem. 

 

Is it possible to get over the attachment style you have?

According to experts, it is not only possible but preferable to work on establishing your attachment style and doing what it takes to switch it to the secure type. It is also important to understand the core of the problem and where it stems from. It could be depression or early childhood trauma. It is the job of a therapist and a coach to help a person through it. The good thing about attachment is that even though a person could have a style, it is completely possible to revisit it and change it to secure. Some ways to do just that include: 

 

  • Learning your attachment style – knowing your attachment style can give you so much insight as to why your relationships keep failing, despite your best effort, or why you end up attracting the wrong people. That is the first step to overcoming your attachment problems. 

 

  • Find a therapist/coach with expertise on attachment styles – change can be difficult for anyone, especially when they are only now learning about the real problem. That is why if you find yourself in this situation, you should look for an expert to help you through. 
  • Seek partners with similar attachment styles – getting undermined by a person who is not supportive is the last thing you want to do. It is a good idea to look for those secure individuals, who can, in time, help you overcome your own insecurities. 

 

  • Talk about it – hiding the issue is not going to help you in the long run, especially now that you can give it a name and a face. It is important to discuss such matters with your therapist and your partner as well. Getting the support you need can make a world of difference. 

 

Overall, changing your attachment style is a great way to improve the quality of your relationships and love life. You should not hesitate to invest in research and working with the right dating coach. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach  

 

The Importance of Self-Love and How to Achieve It

 

Confidence often comes from self-love. Unfortunately, that is one major problem many people experience – they don’t love themselves. They don’t feel happy about themselves and focus too much on their flaws. Dislike follows and if that is not bad enough, it soon enough translates to dislike from other people as well. 

 

Loving yourself is very important, especially if you are aiming at establishing a relationship with someone else. It will pave the way to self-confidence and change your outlook on the world to a more positive one. To love yourself more, you need to apply a few tips: 

 

  • Learn to have fun by yourself – it is a good idea to set aside a few days just for yourself to do something fun. This is so that you can enjoy your own company more. Find new things to try, engage in hobbies that don’t require a lot of other people around and generally, do what makes you happy and smile. 

 

  • Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made – we all make mistakes, but it is important to remember that you have to forgive yourself about them. Otherwise, you will not be able to move on. Look back in reflection and acknowledge the error. Try to think of the mistakes as a way to grow and improve your self-love, not something that bashes yourself over.

 

  • Travel at least once a year – if you can travel on your own, do so at least once a year. Travelling to beautiful new places can be an exciting new experience, which puts you on the path of self-love. Other than discovering new things, you will also discover yourself and your self-love. 

 

  • Make yourself a surprise – every once in a while, you should do things that you would not normally attempt. In doing so, you will better learn yourself. You may even discover that you like something even though you were previously afraid of it. Getting out of your comfort zone in such a way will make you feel ready for new challenges and give your self-esteem a huge boost. 

 

  • Take a break – you are your own worst judge, jury and executioner. Sometimes being hard on yourself is nice, to push to new boundaries, but sometimes it works to decrease your self-love. However, it is important to remember that nobody out there is perfect and you should not expect yourself to be so. When something happens, accept and don’t be too harsh on yourself. 

 

  • List your accomplishments – one good way to give yourself a little lift is to list some of the good things that you have achieved in life. It will make you feel happy about what you have achieved and draw some confidence from that. Focusing on these positive things can remind you that there are better things in life. 

 

 

  • Begin a journal – to develop better coping mechanisms, you can start a journal. Writing down your feelings and thoughts that you address later will show you exactly how you have reacted and what you can do better. In addition, that is a nice way to vent about the negative things that have happened to you. 

 

  • Say yes to new interests – trying out something new that you have had in mind for a while is a great thing. You will never know just how much you will enjoy something until you try it. Always look for a new hobby or visit somewhere you have never gone before. 

 

All of these tips aim to make yourself more. Each is an effective way that will boost self-confidence and make you a better person. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

 

5 Common Mistakes Women Make in Dating

 

Dating is not an exact science, and everyone can fall victim to confusion, miscommunication and disappointment. The everyday mistakes we all experience don’t affect us much, but some crucial side steps can really hurt our love life. 

A lot of couches agree that there are a few mistakes that women make in dating, which seem to stand out and lead to trouble: 

 

Mistake #1 - Thinking that love comes easy - when you are on the lookout for a new job, you will probably spend a lot of time browsing through various job offers and companies that are looking to hire. So why is it then that many believe they can find love without really doing much? Thinking that you can have great success in love without really putting in the effort is just not true. Perhaps you have a friend who met their perfect match when they were not even trying. But that is an exception and not the rule. Stumbling into ‘The One’ is likely not going to happen, if you don’t put the effort in dating and meeting men. 

Mistake #2 - Assuming a man’s exclusive without them hinting at it - this kind of mistake is one that can hurt you a lot. Assuming the man you have just met is exclusive usually happens because things are going great. However, most men will usually require some time to sell themselves on the idea of a relationship. They merge into exclusivity and don’t just swerve at it. You don’t need to think of this as a negative thing, but rather an opportunity. You can take your time to figure out if he’s the boyfriend material you initially thought. 

Mistake #3 - Knowing he is the ' one’ in the first month of dating - while it is true a lot of people believe in love at first sight, the fact of the matter is that it takes some time to know someone and to know if they are right for you. Don’t trust ‘that feeling’ - it is nothing but a mix of hormones telling you that you feel good with him by your side. But all of that is craving without any guarantee for compatibility. Remember, before you trust the advice that ‘you will just know it is him’, there are 10 stories of women who didn’t test their compatibility and got burned. Allow the feeling of attraction to lead you to someone, but exercise caution in finding out if he is the right person for you. 

Mistake #4 - Expecting only men to initiate interactions - a lot of women fall for the mistake of doing nothing to approach men and only expecting men to take the first step. But all this mindset leads to is essentially taking away the control all women have. It’s not only men who need to initiate interactions. They too fear rejection and have their demons to fight. Instead of waiting on them alone, you can give men green lights, i.e. make them feel like their chances with you are good so that they can overcome the fear of rejection. 

Mistake #5- Blaming ‘modern dating’ for still being single - blaming your current situation on the circumstances is a quick way to disempower yourself, especially when it comes to dating. If anything, dating is much more accessible than ever before. Yes, there are more ways to cheat, more ways to fall into a miscommunication trap and more ways to jump ship, than invest in solving the issues. But you have the power to adapt and use the modern dating set to your advantage.

Identifying all of these mistakes is essential for ensuring that you make the most of dating and end up with a person you love. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

5 Common Problems every Relationship Faces and How to Solve Them

 

Every single relationship out there experiences certain issues during its course. Arguments arise, intimacy suffers, stress levels increase, and before you know it, you are looking at the prospect of ending a relationship that may have lasted for a long time. In this guide, we will take a look at some of the most common relationship issues and what you can do to work them out. 

 

1. Communication

People out there handle communication differently. Some like to talk about things, whereas others keep the word count low and instead like to act. Of course, communication problems are much more diverse than differences in communication style. Some couples develop issues over time, despite the fact they used to communicate well. It is important to focus not so much on the problem itself, but the cause of this miscommunication. Sometimes we cannot listen, to truly listen to what others are saying, and not just so that we can respond to their argument with one of our own. You can try the so-called talk time exercise. You and your partner get a few minutes each to say what is on your mind without any interruptions. It is important always to talk through your perspective and use ‘I’ statements, instead of addressing your partner mostly. 

 

2. Infidelity

Some believe that infidelity is the apocalypse of all relationships, and it is easy to see why that is so. Affairs hardly ever happen out of the blue, as there is an underlying problem that caused them. Maybe you weren’t happy in your relationship before, your intimacy was lost, or something else triggered the act. While it is true that it is difficult to recover from the wounds and work on the issues, sometimes it is possible to do so. A third party counsellor may be helpful in that regard. 

 

3. Feeling unappreciated

If you feel like your partner is not giving you enough time and appreciation in the relationship, don’t be afraid to discuss it. There is a difficult balance one must strive to achieve at times, between their job, children and their spouse. Talk about it and work out a solution that fits both of you. Sometimes it is a problem of communication – your partner notices what you do, but they don’t say it. 

 

4. Money issues

Financial pressures can easily bring turmoil in a relationship. Honesty and open communication are key to solving this issue. It is never a good idea to keep a secret about debt from your partner. Being honest about your expenses and working a way to minimise them at times of crisis is essential. If one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, tension will rise in the relationship, if you don’t work a satisfying middle ground. 

 

5. Sex problems

If your sex life doesn’t align, you need to be very careful in the communication you choose. It is essential to communicate openly, with compassion and understanding. Judging the other for what you think is a problem is going to add more fuel to the fire. Sometimes sexual issues stem from other issues between you. It is worth investigating whether that is the case and what these other issues are. By targeting the root cause of the problems, you will find the symptom of the sexual issues slowly disappear. 

 

All of these are common problems that arise in a relationship. It takes dedication and understanding to resolve them successfully. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach